Running at your own pace

I don't run regularly but I do run every once in a while, usually when i'm stressed out. I was running as part of a group the first couple of times I ran and I felt so competitive as the race began that without caring for what my limits are, I ran at the same pace as those at the front. This of course led me to stop halfway through the race, huffing and puffing, gasping for breath and some water. Over time, I've come to realize what my pace is and that it is, of course, slower than that of people who've been running for a while now. There was a long way to go before I can catch up with them.

Philosophically speaking, I'm only now realizing that I'm out of my league. Rather, I'm exhausting myself trying to keep up with people and standards which I shouldn't have to comply with. The best analogy I could find is that of someone stuck on a crowded subway train. You get whisked onto the train from the platform as soon as it arrives, without any effort from your side, there's hardly any room to breathe or move while on the train, moving towards your destination and again, the crowd pushes you out of the train. You're lucky if you get pushed out at the right station or you'll have to do this whole process again.

Over the last 5 years, I've been getting pushed off the train at the wrong stations and I've had to take the later train. Once I got off at the wrong station myself because I was too confused where I wanted to go. This time, I'm going to get off intentionally because I would rather prefer taking a less crowded train and travel at my convenience instead of moving the rush hour traffic in discomfort.

I've been running for the last 5 years to catch up with time. It's about time I stopped running to catch up with it and just run. Maybe I'll eventually catch up with it. Ironically, only time will tell.

PS - I do not intend to write about my personal life here but I wanted to share something different today so I wrote this post as vaguely as I could. This is just for my future reference.

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